


Every Time I Wake Up It Fades

by Newt_gotcrnk3d



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Angst, Beta read because I can’t write, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, IDK how to tag this tbh, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Literally just me projecting onto ranboo, My friend Alex helped me write this she is a godsend, Phil Watson Adopts Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Philza is best dad, Sad Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Techno is mentioned but like, how ranboo got his memory book idea, it’s not gone into detail as that’s a trigger for me, nothing too heavy, uhh it’s sad but works out in the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:54:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29318211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Newt_gotcrnk3d/pseuds/Newt_gotcrnk3d
Summary: Fragmented memories and broken glass. He feels the pressure building up and he can’t get it to leave. Just shove it out. Don’t acknowledge it, it’ll make it worse.Or…………………Ranboo suffers with his memory loss and Phil is best dad(Beta read and co written by xyrophobicc)
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), Ranboo & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), platonic - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 114





	Every Time I Wake Up It Fades

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Xyrophobicc](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xyrophobicc/gifts).



> Please don’t hate us that much lads
> 
> (Shameless promotion but follow me on Twitter at @xkoo_kiex, I post some art and funny stuff on there, and follow me on twitch at twitch.tv/mxmeese)

Ranboo hated this. He knew he did. But he couldn’t help standing in his room staring at the ceiling, trying desperately to cling on to his last remaining fragments of memories. It was comforting, the soft hum of the furnace and the buzzing in his brain. 

Somewhere above him, Technoblade sharpened his axe, the metal grating against stone and soothing his growing panic. He closed his eyes and sighed, a breeze settling over him and sinking into his bones. His voices weren’t helping. They screamed into his ear about some strange concept of time and space. A space he knew nothing of. 

He thought about every time he tried to reach into the darkness. The small part of a memory came back- so small, a spider’s thread of a memory. Just as quickly, it was ripped away from his mind.

His breathing quickened. _“Just force your way in,”_ he roughly thought to himself. _“It’s your mind Ranboo why can’t you see it?”_ His hands flew up to his face as he sighed, pushing into the darkness again.

He reached his arm out to grab the string of light. It was so close. So _fucking_ close. And like that, it faded, shoving Ranboo back to the present and knocking the air out of his lungs. He crumbled to the floor and sobbed. It tore through his throat and pierced his heart. Shaky hands clenching his head and pulling his hair. Maybe if he pushed hard enough, he would remember

Maybe if he forced them out he wouldn’t betray anyone else.

Wailing cries escaped him. They grew louder and louder, yet to drown out the fragmented memories that haunted him. The noises escaping him weren’t human. He knew that. He knew sounded like a caged animal- and chances are he looked like one.

He imagined squeezing his head until it would eventually crack. He had tried before. At least it calmed the voices.

Most of the time he was fine- why is he breaking down now? They’re just memories. They’re replaceable.

Another sting of his past rushes through him. A painful reminder of just how mortal he is. 

Panic sinks in. Fear rushing through him as he suddenly loses control. He clutched his stomach and crawled towards the door, faint whimpers escaping his lips as he shoved the oak wood.

He collapsed to the floor, noticing the feet of a blurry figure right in front of him. He couldn’t tell who it was, but at the moment he couldn’t bring himself to care. His chest heaved as he whispered out cries for help from anyone. Anyone who could get his memory back. 

He didn’t care who or how. He just wanted to remember _something._

Darkness embraced him. Called out to him like an old friend with gentle promises of memories. He was drowsy, but avoided sleep. The reward of dreams feels too unnerving for him to touch. Every time he wakes up, the dreams fade. Everything does. 

A gentle hand helped him to his feet. He trembled, and fell into someone’s chest- recognizing the warm embrace as the protective wings of Philza. Humming into his hair, Phil looked down at the teen. Ranboo could feel his burning gaze on him. He could feel the judgemental glare of seeing a once strong and mighty hybrid become a sobbing and broken mess.

He braced for a question. The one question he knew would destroy him. 

But it never came. 

Instead, he was greeted with a warm hand around his waist and a cushion placed beneath him. Instead of the intense judgement, came a warm smile and a mug of tea. The saucer rattled in his grasp as Phil rubbed small circles into his back and blew gently on his face. A reminder that he was real. That his mortality wasn’t broken yet.

“You good to talk mate? Or do you need a few more minutes?” Phil whispered to avoid spooking the boy. Well, he was hardly a _boy,_ but felt like one at that moment. Ranboo had never felt so _small._

He gave a barely audible hum in response, but he knew Phil heard it.

“What’s botherin’ you then? Wanna talk about that first? You were in a right state when Techno found you.” _Ah, so that was the blurry figure._

“Memory.” Ranboo rasped. He attempted to speak more solidly; stronger than he felt- he knew if Phil pushed anymore he’d just spill.

(The voices were too quiet. They had been for a while. Ranboo was thankful for that, but something in the back of his head feared it wouldn’t be like that for long.)

“I wanted to talk to you about that actually,” Phil began, thankfully not pushing to make eye-contact with Ranboo. “I had an idea, but only if you wanna hear it of course.” 

Ranboo nodded slowly, his head still pounding. Phil took his nod as a sign to go ahead, and stroked Ranboo’s arm when he felt him go limp against his shoulder.

“Ever thought of keepin a memory book? You could write down all the stuff you don’t wanna forget. Kinda like a diary. Techno’s got one, for when the voices get too loud and he forgets.” Phil paused, his eyes scanning the room for his bag. Gently, he uncurled Ranboo from his side and made his way over to the leather pouch sat by the wall. 

Ranboo began to shake again, the darkness in his head growing too noisy. Phil noticed and hurried back, afraid that if he left the boy too long he’d just crumble completely. He placed the soft leather bound book in Ranboo’s hands. The boy’s claws curled around its spine, traced it’s soft pages, admired the beautiful feather quill. Against his better (or worse) judgement, he looked up and met Phil’s eyes. 

In that moment he knew he’d be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> This isn’t me projecting on to ranboo (the cc) I would never push my trauma or struggles into a real life person. Me and ranboo (the character within the canon universe) are very similar in the way we handle our amnesia and I need to get my feelings out in a creative outlet :)) 
> 
> Please don’t send this to any of the ccs mentioned in this story, it could be potentially triggering for them and overall may be distressing! 
> 
> (Also Alex you’re an absolute godsend for beta reading and co-writing this thank you so much)


End file.
